Best LOL I've had in a while.
2013-05-17, 02:30 AM,
(This post was last modified: 2013-05-17, 03:08 AM by SteelHard.)
#1
Just read this in a forum. Worth the read



" mOTHER****ING ****. I WAS JUST MASTURBATING AND EVERYTHING WAS GOING GREAT. I WAS IN MY ROOM, I HAD MY HEADPHONES ON, I WAS TOTALLY NAKED SITTING AT MY COMPUTER FAPPING AWAY TO A VIDEO ON REDTUBE. ALL OF A SUDDEN THERE'S THIS REALLY SHARP PAIN IN MY DICK, LIKE IT JUST GOT STABBED WITH A SEWING NEEDLE. I JERKED MY HAND BACK AND IT BUMPED INTO MY COMPUTER TOWER, WHICH SITS ON THE DESK. WELL, I HAD MY STICK OF DEODORANT ON TOP OF THE TOWER, AND THAT BITCH FELL OFF AND LANDED DEODORANT-END-DOWN ON THE HEAD OF MY COCK. HOLY ****ING **** DID THAT HURT, AND ON TOP OF THAT IT HIT SO HARD THAT IT ACTUALLY FORCED SOME DEODORANT INTO MY URETHRA. I'VE NEVER HAD ANYTHING BURN SO BAD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. I JUMPED OUT OF MY ****ING CHAIR AND STOOD UP BECAUSE IT HURT SO BAD; THIS CAUSED MY HEADPHONE CABLE TO GET YANKED OUT OF MY SPEAKERS, WHICH CAUSED "OH YEAH BABY COME DEEP IN MY TIGHT TEEN ******* UH UH UH" TO GET BLARED THROUGH MY ****ING HOUSE AND ALMOST MAXIMUM VOLUME. NOW MY EYES ARE WATERING FROM THE PAIN OF THE DEODORANT INSIDE MY COCK BUT I MANAGE TO PUNCH ONE OF MY SPEAKERS HARD ENOUGH SO THEY TURN OFF. I LOOKED DOWN AND NOTICED BLOOD DRIPPING OFF OF MY COCK; I GUESS THE LIP OF THE PLASTIC DEODORANT THING BIT INTO MY FORESKIN AS IT CONNECTED WITH MY COCK. THE BLOOD WAS DRIPPING DOWN MY LEG.

THIS ALL HAPPENED IN THE SPACE OF MAYBE 6 SECONDS. IT MAY SEEM BAD BUT IT GETS WORSE. JUST AS I'M STANDING THERE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE **** HAPPENED, MY BEDROOM DOOR ****ING OPENS. MY DAD WAS STANDING THERE WITH MY ACCEPTANCE LETTER TO JOHNS HOPKINS. I FROZE AND HE STARED AT ME, NAKED WITH MY BLOODY ERECTION FOR MAYBE 15 SECONDS BEFORE HE NOTICED MY COMPUTER MONITOR AND THE BRUTAL ANAL SEX SCENE GOING ON FULL-SCREEN. HE IMMEDIATELY CLOSED THE DOOR AND LEFT WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING. THIS MAY SEEM EMBARRASSING BUT MY DAD IS A SERIOUSLY CONSERVATIVE CHRISTIAN. THIS HAPPENED ABOUT 15 MINUTES AGO AND HE HASN'T SAID ANYTHING TO ME YET. I'M STILL IN MY ROOM TRYING TO GET THE GOD DAMN ****ING OLD SPICE OUT OF MY COCK. "

THIS 1 ALSO XDD


" Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to:M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc. Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A.along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."
This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion. There can be only one. "
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2013-05-17, 03:10 AM,
#2
Pretty fun, Thanks for the laugh op.

Any questions related to CPA belong here.
Before posting, make sure you are in the correct section.

I am temporarily absent due to family circumstances.

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2013-05-17, 03:39 AM,
#3
(2013-05-17, 03:10 AM)DutchPride Wrote: Pretty fun, Thanks for the laugh op.

Haha :P trying to deliver the lolz
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2013-05-17, 03:48 AM,
#4
Haha, it has all happened to us one time. :afro:

-LinX

PM ME TO JOIN OUR TRADING GROUP FOR FREE!
[Image: CyjquRg.png]
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2013-05-17, 05:09 AM,
#5
(2013-05-17, 03:48 AM)LinX Wrote: Haha, it has all happened to us one time. :afro:

-LinX

Never happened to me , gladly
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2013-05-17, 06:55 PM,
#6
(2013-05-17, 05:50 AM)bearthepanda Wrote: Haha the second one made me laugh
First one is just lame o.0

I laughed at both of them though , but ya first one is a bit cliche
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2013-05-17, 07:38 PM,
#7
This is disgusting :D
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2013-05-18, 09:53 AM,
#8
Wow lol can't believe i read even some of that.
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2013-05-18, 02:35 PM,
#9
Hehehe this was fun :D
thanks :D
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2013-05-18, 03:38 PM,
#10
I had a similar experience like that first guy. I was alone in the house. Once I started to masturbate with some lotion as usual, but this lotion wasn't a regular one. After 5 seconds it started to burn like hell. I had to leave my room leaving redtube open and running naked through the hallway to the bathroom with an erection. Too bad that that was the moment my mom and her guests arrived... ._. ah the painful memories xD
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